Pendulums

Do you ever have one of those days that's just one of those days? I seriously feel like I am on a pendulum sometimes. Riding the high of life, ambition, determination, and drive and then...

*vvvumphhh* Crash back down. And by down I mean the kind where I woke up today and asked myself, "Am I depressed or just bummed out?" ...must be bummed out. There's no way I am depressed! Not after all the Life Improvement courses I have done in the past 8 months. Or the One on One mentoring I paid a Life Coach to give me. I know better because if I am not a victor then I am being a victim. If I am unhappy, then it's because I created it.

Right?

...but where is the line? The line that I draw the difference between accountability and being gentle with myself?

Is depression real for me or is it simply an excuse I make up to justify my uncomfortable emotions, my lack of enthusiasm, my laziness? This, among many other questions, led me to research which led me to taking a Depression Quiz in which I scored "Extremely High" to which I shrugged my shoulders and nonchalantly thought, "thank you for sharing"

Naturally, this bred even more questions and a pendulum inner dialogue

Is this quiz legit?
Does the legitimacy matter? You're focusing on what's "wrong", not solutions! Stop it!
Am I really depressed?
No, you're fine Chelsea. Stop it.
How could this happen?
Damn, I'm hungry...
If I claim to be depressed, does that mean I'm being a victim?

I don't know if it's a chemical imbalance in my brain or imagined into existence or a process of spiritual renewal - the symptoms of depression are real. Sleeping at night is a struggle, getting up in the morning is a chore in itself, I have gained 15 pounds in the past year and with the suicidal thoughts and loss of passion for what used to bring me joy, I would occasionally feel like a defect, like something was wrong with my 'wiring' and on November 30, 1991 God kinda went, "whoops!"  here you go, Planet Earth. Have fun with this one

But if I have learned anything here, it is that God made each one of us perfectly

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." - Genesis 1:27

And for me to think I am defect is to say God is defect. But I know God is perfect, so as he is, I am.

There is nothing wrong with me. Nothing wrong with you, her, or him. We are perfect in the spiritual sense. Not this worldly perception of perfection where 'perfect' is defined as arrogance, self righteousness, or having it all together.

Perfection is God
God is gentle, compassionate, kind, pure, patient, abundant, giving, love

so

Perfection is being gentle, compassionate, kind, pure, patient, abundant, giving, and love

I know now to be gentle with the emotions flowing through me and compassionate to my husband and kids who get to experience me in this place I'm in. It's being kind to the people I pass in public even though it seems easier to duck my head and stuff my hands in my coat pockets. It's being pure in my daily life choices to live in integrity knowing how easy it would be to cheat, lie, steal and blame it on my Emotions. It's being patient, trusting and knowing that this too shall pass and Great Good is on its' way right now! It's being abundant by living in gratitude for all that is, and being a giver by living outward focused moment to moment.

Yes, it's 'easier' to tuck away from society, blame my lack of success on symptoms of depression, and to hold on to Hope and Endure to End. It's easy because it is what's comfortable right now.

And it's perfect

If I want to feel and be different, I get to venture outside of my comfort zone and Think differently. Stephen Covey calls this the See Do Get model. 

Our perceptions direct the behaviors we engage in. Our behaviors/choices we make produce what we get. Then we take what we've gotten and feed it through our paradigms to continue the cycle. 

When I see myself as depressed, then I behave depressed, and I get the results of depression (lack of sleep, low energy, decreased sex drive, strained relationships, unmotivated, disconnected) But what if I changed my paradigm? What if I shift the ways I see me?

What if I saw myself how God sees me? In a perfect, gentle light. Then behave in those attributes of Spiritual Perfection... and I'd get all that back ten fold!

Experiencing peace on the path to success requires a balance of self compassion and being committed to doing the work in spite of thoughts, feelings, moods, and emotions

So, look in the mirror and love that amazing, powerful, nerdy person staring back at you! Recommit in those places in life where you've fallen off, pick yourself up, learn, and move forward!

Take it on!

The Day Before Day 1

So... one day... someone... somewhere... is going to invent the All You Can Stuff Your Face With zero calorie completely Non Genetically Modified All Natural cookie dough, ice cream, chocolate pretzels, crinkle chips and onion dip that all taste exactly like the Genetically Modified Packaged Junk. Oh, and did I mention that when we consume this soon to be invented creation of holiness, it will also be formulated in such ways that our bodies transform its' nutrients into Jessica Biel arms and Katy Perry legs.

But, until that day, exercise and good nutrition shall be my forte.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a young mom of 3 kids, all under the age of 5. Life has become crazy exciting and honestly seems to be getting better and better at each plot twist! Happily Married and Pleasantly Annoyed Daily to this gentleman...

No, this is not Charlie Hunnam 

And we just woke up one day a few days ago, looked at each other and basically said, "Wow, we've gotten fluffy!" And I'm tired of being 'fluffy'. Am I overweight? no Am I diabetic, anorexic, have a life or death issue that depends on me making a healthy lifestyle change? no

But I am fluffy. I am a mom who has lost herself in the laundry, the doctor appointments, the cooking, dentist appointments, the mom-he-wont-stop-looking-at-me's, lasagna on the kitchen ceiling (like, what the hell), terrible twos, terrible threes, bath time, cuddle time, laughing/crying/mourning/rejoicing all at the same time because it's bedtime.

And I am ready to take it on! To take on having the body I've always wanted, feeling beautiful inside and out, and having the energy to do it all! I feel like sometimes as mothers we get caught up in giving so much of ourselves to our children, partner, extended family, neighbors, community, jobs... just to name a few... and we don't take moments every single day to Resharpen the Saw as Stephen Covey would call it. Just a lil zen time to recharge and rejuvenate. Call me crazy but I actually think this could one of the most Win Win Self LESS thing we could do!

Think about it... when your glass is empty, how can you give water to someone else's glass?

But when your glass is full of water, it's much easier to share what you have with others! Your cup is full and begins to overflow with an abundance of blessings so now there is a whole new level of life to go around! A Win Win for everyone! 

Bottom Line I am excited to see how following through with my health and fitness goals for next 90 days is going to ripple into the other areas of my life! I want to see first hand how 'filling my own cup' can multiply the abundance in my life and the lives around me!

For my First Challenge, I am getting up at 7:30am in the morning and starting out my day on a Powerful note! (Core 4! Stay tuned for future blogs on Core 4 and how it creates Power and transformation in finances, health, relationships, and spirituality! I lalalove it)

Waking up at 7:30am might seem like a small, simple thing. And well... that's because it is!

"Out of small things proceedeth that which is Great" - D&C 64:33

Let the journey begin!!!!